The golden girl
by 911nmg
Summary: AU. Spencer Hastings, the golden girl of Rosewood, comes back to town after graduating. However, aiming so hard for perfection has taken its tool on her. Toby Cavanaugh still burdens the sadness his mother's suicide caused him. He's infatuated with the golden girl but ¿Can he protect her from herself? Spoby. In Spanish /s/11353938/1/La-ni%C3%B1a-de-oro
1. Prologue

As I've written an AU i'm going to do some clarifications to the story:

In my tale Alison was killed the night she was buried alive.

The girls haven't endured A's harassment.

Toby and Jenna are biological siblings.

Jenna's blidness was caused by a car accident, not by the girls, who are her friends.

English is not my first language so apologize in advance for any mistakes you may find. If you'd like to read this in Spanish here's a link s/11353938/1/La-ni%C3%B1a-de-oro

I don't own PLL.

Any comments, either possitive or negative are really appreciated.

* * *

 **PROLOGUE – No all that glitters is gold**

The first time Toby Cavanaugh saw again Spencer Hastings after he had left high school, was in a hospital visit with his sister. Back then, the young woman was 17 years old and wore size 10 years old clothing. The golden girl of Rosewood High wasn't as perfect as she pretended.

The next time he saw her, he had gone pick up Jenna from prom. Her dress was ripped and her make-up was smeared all over her face, bruises covered her tiny body. Without a word he had taken off his hoodie and had covered her with it before giving her a ride home. Her boyfriend, Andrew, wasn't as perfect as everybody believed neither.

The third time he saw her she was 20, she had passed out at a party and her purse had been stolen, she came to file a complaint.

The forth time he saw her was at a party, his sister and her had just graduated in law from Upenn, Spencer cum laude, just as he had expected. Jenna laughed dancing with her friend and Toby smiled from the distance. He had never crossed more than a few words with her, but her chocolate brown hair and her fair skin atracted him enormously. However her reputation preceded her: chess, decathlon, tennis and field hockey champion, first of the class in every one of her subjects, volunteer in two different civic centers. Perfect girls did not went out with policemen.

The fifth time he saw her, she was at a cofe back in Rosewood, at shelter from the blizzard that lashed the streets. She was reading papers with a ffustrated expression and biting her nails out of anger. That was the day Toby decided that maybe no all that glitters is gold.

\- Can I take a sit? - He asked, making her raise her sight and a smile expand though her porcelane face.

\- Sure – She pushed aside the papers from the sit next to her laughing at her mess.


	2. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1 – Begin again**

Toby could barely believe she had allowed him to sit besides her, but he suppossed that being the older brother of one of her friends did help.

Spencer pulled from the sleeves of her sweaer, covering her blue-tinged fingers.

\- Do I order another coffee for you? You seem cold.

She was going to answer when he came up with a better idea, he got up and came back with a blanket from another sofa, a burgundy cover, that made her chocolate curls stand out.

\- Thanks, Toby – She blushed slightly covering herself with it from toe to below the chest, she took another sip from her dark coffe – Do... Do you want to cover youself? - She asked, turning completly red, rising the blanket.

\- I'm fine. The uniform is quite bundeld up. It's an oven at summer but that's another story.

The girl bursted out laughing that made his stomach shrink, it was one of the most beautiful sounds he had heard in a while, a sound he did not expect to hear from such a broken soul.

\- How did you choose to become a policeman? - She had turned to him, sipping again from her coffe, and the papers seemed to have taken a second place.

He observed the jeans she was wearing, the marks from the sequins in butterfly shape that she must have taken off were still visible, so it was a kid's size. The sweather was really baggy on her, almost two of her would have fit into it, and the watch that decorated her wrist threatened to fall through space at any moment. She had a lamentable look, but she was smiling, and he wished they could keep it like that.

\- I wanted to protect the people I care aboult – He answered, trying to keep the marks that used to cover Caleb's, body away from his mind – What about you? - He asked trying to change the focus of atention – Why did you study law?

\- Family tradition – She answered with a sigh – But, between us – She leaned towards him, noticing his scent of perfume mix with shaving cream – I've ended liking it!

This time it was Toby who laughed, making some warmess spread over Spencer's body. She realised he was one of the few people who knew the thruth behind her biggest lies, but there was something about him that made her believe he wouldn't let them come to the surface, and that was good.

An alarm went off on his phone, a sound that ordered her to go back home, come back with her fiance. But she didn't want to do it, she did not wanted to face the cold from outside, or arriving and having to lie about had had a lot to eat for supper, and argue when he called the manager of the Brew to ask about her intake.

She turned it of quickly but he pointed out not to worry if she had to go eslwhere – No, no, it's fine – She answered rapidly.

\- What are you working on now? If you can tell of course – Toby believed that work was one of the safest themes when speaking, usually he did not get on well with people, he got embarrased when talking with new people and he normally found himself with nothing left to talk about.

She smiled – A divorce. Their killing each other over the custody of the children.

He hissed - Sounds harsh.

\- I try to get them to agree.

She was the one about to ask whe he interrupted her – Do you still work as a volunteer?

Spencer nodded slighlty – At an orphanage, I read books and play with them, and I tend to (procesar) their adoptions if they are lucky enough to make it. I'd like to go more but I have tons of work and I don't find volunteers.

The penny dropped in her caffenaited mind – Do you want to spend a few hours a week there, don't you?

Toby thought about it seriously, from the past two years his life could be sumarised in work and ocasionally taking care of his nephew; Jenna's child. The last time he had gone to a party had been the girls and it had been a while since he had had a couple. Maybe not Spencer, everyone knew she was engaged with a surgical resident, but he could meet someone – It'll be great.

She scribbled the timetables and the adress fast over one of the pages of her crammed calendar, it smelled like roses, just like her.

Suddenly reality knocked her up, she should be at home, Wren was waiting for her and she didn't like the feelings Toby was awakening in her boned cage, they frightened her – I have to go now – She picked up her papers – We should repeat having a coffee.

She was putting on a coat when her vision became blurry. Taking into acount that she had only had three cups of coffee that day it didn't come as a surprise, but the weakness of her body made her fall to the ground.

\- Did you hurt yourself? - He helped her get back onto her feet grabbing her from the wrists, reinforcing his thoughts about her extreme thinness; he could have grabbed both with one single hand. She shook her head but Toby noticed her tiny body trembling.

\- I walk you to your car – And his tone made it clear he wasn't taking no as an answer.

\- I've come by feet – She whispered, still unstable on her feet, her voice seemed trapped in her lungs.

\- I'll give you a ride then. He took her scarf and wrapped it around her neck before leaving the cafeteria getting hold of her minute waist.

They've been in the car for ten minutes, with the heating really high when Toby dared to speak – I know it's none of my business, but you should let people help you with your food issues.

Her tone revealed rage when she opened her mouth – You are right, it's none of your business.

He turned slowly to observe her, just a (instante), her face showed anger but her eyes showed varied emotions: fear, sadness, exhaustion. The golden girl had broken down at some point.

\- Jenna used to say how worry she was – She was already angry so, what else could he do – She said you were becoming seethough. I used to tease her, saying such thing was imposible. Untill I saw you at hospital, you looked like a ghost.

\- I do not need anyone's help – She whispered, opening the car door – Thanks for bringing me home, Toby.

He awaited untill he saw her entering the victorian styled house, he could do nothing more. For the first time in months he went to a bar, two shoots later he had scored with a blond hottie and only half an hour later he was back at his apartment.

\- Take it all off – He whispered in her ear, starting to remove the blue uniform and wishing it would silence his thoughts chock-full of chocolate locks.


	3. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2 – Dinner**

Dinners at the Hastings' were always tense, way too much for the linking of the younger of the family, but she hadn't had anything to eat for five straight days so she could eat reasonable quantities and not having her mother blowing the whistle, as she usually did.

Wren entered the bathroom and stared at her from the lintel. She was applying makeup to hide her pastiness and the accentuated bags under her eyes, lipstick to cover her dehydrated lips and wearing some bracelets in order to hide bruises from a recent fall.

He sighed and hugged her from behind, placing a kiss on her hair – We can stay here if you don't want to go, I can make you some warm soup and binge watch on films all night long.

\- This is what we have to do – She answered in a whisper, applying mascara and turning to kiss him. Wren made her content, sometimes, and deep down that was the highest she could strive. She did know none of the Hastings was happy.

\- Your mother asked me to bring the desserts. I've bought lemon sorbet and prepared the cheesecake you love – Wren informed from the kitchen, making a scared grimace cross her face.

\- Great – She lied. Joining him at the door she let him cover her with one of her coats.

Her father received them, pointing that Melissa had just arrived and kissing her carefully on the cheek. Soon he and Wren were speaking gushingly about baseball so she made her way to the kitchen. Her mother was watching a cordon blue at the oven, wearing a pinny her sister had sewn for her years ago, over the expensive channel dress.

\- Do you need help with something?

Veronica Hastings kissed her daughter with affection before pointing out everything was ready and requesting her to go to the dining room and join her sister.

Before having greeted anyone the three-year-old girl grabbed her legs, bursting out in laughter. Spencer knew she probably weighed already too much for her little strength, but she picked her up – Hi, Ava – She kissed her niece in the forehead before turning to her sister.

\- Where's Ian? – She asked, she knew Melissa and her husband weren't on good terms. She in fact knew that Melissa didn't love him, she was with him because the person she was in love with wasn't good enough for a Hastings, that they had had the girl as quick try to fix things and it wasn't working. She hoped the situation didn't get to out of hand and they ended like their parents, he with his indiscretions and she drowning her frustrations in work and charity projects.

\- An emergency came up at the construction. He'll be back in a few days – She took the kid from her arms and flattered the child. If there was something she couldn't reproach her sister was being a bad mother. Hopefully Ava wouldn't end as broken as the rest of them.

\- Dinner is ready! – Her mother called them to the table and suddenly they all were on their places obeying the ritual that had become imposed thought the years.

Spencer didn't fail to notice how her mother served her more but she pretended not having noticed, the same way Veronica pretended not to notice how she threw out the meat on the napkin she had placed above her knees.

\- How is work going?

Melissa trailed off with how happy she was for having taken a month free to take care of the girl and then it was her turn to tell how much she was enjoying her career, that was her role after all.

\- Aren't you going to finish that? – Her mother pointed to the meat, egg and cheese stuffed peppers and Spencer shook her head – I had a snack really late.

\- Spencer… - Her father sighed – Your mother has made them with her best of intentions. Please, finish them up.

She noticed how all eyes fixed in her shaky hands, in how cutlery shredded the peppers and the travel of the tiny pieces between her plate and her mouth.

She constrained the nausea, her stomach wasn't used to eat that much, it ached.

\- I'll bring the desserts – Wren offered, and before she could refuse her plate had two pieces of cheesecake and two scoops of ice-cream.

Hunger had awakened, in a body that could barely remember the feeling. She ate everything on the plate, making everyone happy, then her stomach revolted.

Before anyone could say a word she dashed out the room and climbed the stairs to her childhood bedroom.

\- Darling?

Wren entered the bathroom and tied her hair up as she vomited. She hadn't even forced it, both her hands were resting at the sides of the bowl, simply, her body didn't know how to digest food anymore. When the splash sound ended he could hear another noise, weak sobs that made him worry – Everything it's alright – He promised, stroking her back in circular motion.

\- No. It's not.

* * *

Hi!

Sorry for taking so long to update but I've been really busy at college.

Hope you like it and, as always, apologize if there's a mistake (English isn't my first language).


	4. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3 – Midnight confessions**

Toby smiled when Jenna threw herself into his arms, laughing – You're in a good mood. Her sister smirked and him couldn't avoid to observe how it expanded to her eyes, behind the sun glasses.

Toby entered the little house Jenna had bought, her sister had gotten pregnant at university and, even though she'd tried things hadn't work out with Timmy's father.

The large windows let the sunshine get through, his sister didn't see it but she felt it over her skin, and she knew home was a happy place for her baby, just as she wanted.

\- What do you need me to fix? – He asked once he caught sight of the toolbox over the kitchen countertop.

\- The bathroom sink leaks, yesterday I slipped. He kissed her on the check and promised he'll handle it.

He was finishing repairing the drainpipe when he heard Jenna calling for him, her pastries had just gotten out of the oven and she wanted him to take some – Choose the ones that look the best, Tim and I don't care about the aspect, just the taste!

He laughed, when they were younger the responsibility of taking care of her after her accident seemed too big, however she had become a responsible and independent person that he adored.

\- They taste like mum's.

\- You think? – She blushed lightly – I asked Teresa to dictate the recipes from her notebook and translated them to braille. It's my second try, are they actually good?

He took one of them and shoved it on her mouth – She (laughed otra palabra), yep, they were actually good.

\- What's up with you, old man? New girl? Or do you still keep a working regime? – She asked letting herself fall on the couch and taking the kid from the ground.

\- Work from the moment, but a few days ago I ran into Spencer at the Brew.

\- How is she? I don't know a thing from her since Timothy was at hospital.

\- Do you want an honest answer?

Jenna nodded, as he knew she would – She's a living skeleton, she's cold and… sad.

A sight left her sister's lips, who leaned on his chest – I've been invited to a charity event this weekend and Tim will be with his father. Do you want to come? The girls are coming, and so is Caleb.

\- Wasn't he at New York with Hanna?

\- It's a fashion show, the dresses are her creations. Moreover, they're thinking of moving back to Rosewood! Both can work from home.

\- I don't know if I'm really up for a fashion show, Jen.

\- Please old man. Do it for me – Jenna made the face that she knew her brother gave in to.

\- Okay – He kissed her on the hair – For you.

So there he was, surrounded by well-dressed people and with her sister by his arm. He had decided to act as the driver and had picked Aria and Emily from their houses.

Aria had grabbed him from the hand and dragged them to the reserved sits they had with a big smile on her face.

\- What's up with Jason? – Her sister had asked once they were placed and the brunette couldn't keep a smile before answering with great.

\- What about you, Em?

\- Hooking up at bars, I don't want to become a housewife any soon.

They all laughed, Toby included, putting an arm around her – Let me know when you're done with dresses and we go attack the buffet – He indicated, making Emily laugh loudly, getting a disapproval look from Mrs Dilaurentis.

It was then when Toby noticed a blur of chocolate curls at the other side of the catwalk. Her sister was sitting by her side and she seemed to be lacking air. He was right, she soon excused herself to get out of the room.

\- I'll be back in a minute.

\- I need someone to describe the clothing!

\- I'll be right back – He promised, running after the chestnut-haired girl.

He found her shrinking on herself next to the service door, her hands shaking, her breathing way too fast – Hey, are you alright?

He cupped her face with both hands and forced her to look at him, the emotions in her eyes seemed to be crashing her down. He recognized the signs as an anxiety attack, so he made her sit onto the wet grass and put her head in between her knees - It's alright, calm down, breathe through the nose and let it out through the mouth. Well done, do it again.

Once her breathing became regular she stood and reorganized her curls in a braid – I must go back inside.

He grabbed her by the wrist, preventing her from leaving – Stay here. Until you're relaxed.

\- But, I must… - He crossed a finger through her lips, interrupting her.

She laid on the floor and stared to the sky, the moon shone in between the stormy clouds, it'll snow again. The music, coming from the inside of the building, indicated that the show had just started.

\- So… You're following me – She joked, smiling.

\- I wanted to make sure you were fine. You know, protective instinct…?

She laughed again, for a moment she didn't have to be Spencer-perfect-Hastings, in fact she was laying on wet herb with a 400 dollars dress instead of in the charity event that she had organised – I don't need to be protected.

One second later she realised that wasn't true. She still remembered Andrew's hands tearing her dress apart, his hand on her lips, and how lost she had found herself once he had finished, with her clothes ripped up and her make up smeared all over her face. She remembered how safe she'd felt once Toby had covered her up with his sweatshirt, gave her a half drank paper cup of coffee and drove her home.

\- I always wondered why you did not report him – Toby enounced, knowing what was going through the girl's mind.

\- It isn't something that happens to someone like me – She answered with trembling voice – I didn't want anyone to know about it.

\- So… I'm the only one who knows about it – He asked with tenderness.

\- And I'd appreciate if you forget about it – She indicated, looking right into his eyes.

\- I can't do that, Spencer. But I won't tell anyone – He promised, staring at her with care.

Spencer felt something kicking in the inside of her body, she had never felt that way with anyone, and she couldn't let it happen. Suddenly the engagement ring on her hand seemed too heavy and she wished to throw it away so far that she wouldn't be able to get it back. Scared she got up – I have to go back.

He nodded and walked her to the room before going back to his sit – Enjoy the show – She wished, with the golden facade covering her again.


	5. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4 - Connected**

Some days had passed since the show, and, just as Jenna had predicted, Hanna and Caleb had decided moving back to Rosewood.

So, after three days of rounds non-stop Toby decided to meet with his friend and have a drink.

Caleb was already waiting at the bar when he arrived, with a beer bottle in between his hands – What do you want?

\- The same – He sat beside him, at the counter – God I need a masseuse!

Caleb smirked before asking how was he doing – Loads of work, I help Jenna with the kid sometimes, not much – He took a sip from the bottle and sighed with relief.

\- What about girls?

\- Why does everyone ask me about that?! – He became exasperated, hitting the stubby against the bar – Not all men are wife-hunting at twenty-six!

His friend burst out in laugher – Taking about wives… - Caleb looked at him with funny eyes – In about six months I'll be needing a best man.

He felt a rush of happiness, but also a slight pang of jealousy, because he knew just how far he was from finding the person he would put down roots with. He hugged him tightly and patted his back.

\- We'll have to celebrate it, won't we? Barman! Two glasses of the best whisky you have!

Caleb smiled grabbing the cold glass and toasted against the one of his friend – For your marriage!

The girls had decided to catch up too, the five of them were having dinner at an Italian restaurant and conversation came easy while the dishes didn't come.

\- I have something to show you – Hanna announced, holding out her right hand over the cream-coloured linens. A white gold wedding ring with a diamond surrounded by tiny rubies decorated her ring finger.

Aria let out a high-pitched scream before covering her mouth with her hands, Emily congratulated her immediately and Jenna touched the ring slowly in order to get an idea of how it was. Spencer didn't say a word, not because she didn't feel happy for her friend, things just happened to quickly for her to process without sugar in her blood stream.

\- Spence?

She shook her head, trying to come back to real world, when was the last time she had eaten? Would a salad be enough for her body? Should she call the waiter and order some spaghetti? She got rid of the idea right away, she couldn't risk the more than 600 calories that each of that dishes had. Salad would do.

\- Congrats! It's beautiful, Caleb definitely has a good eye!

\- Are you feeling fine? – Hanna asked in serious tone, leaving out her friend's comments on her ring and staring carefully at her.

She had lost some weight since she had last seen her, and she didn't have much to lose back then. Her face, long ago oval, was now an ensemble of sharp features, her violinist hands now reminded Hanna of dementors' ones, her legs so thin looked like child's. She was like a porcelain doll about to break. It wasn't beauty.

\- I've had a way too long day at work – The lie escaped her lips without even think, as natural as breathing.

\- Sure?

Spencer blinked a few times. She knew her friend understood her, while she battled anorexia Hanna had done the same against bulimia. But her friend had managed to stay healthy while she had relapsed hard. This was her "speak now or forever hold your peace" but a Hastings never blow the whistle.

She sketched a smile and answered that of course, she was working on a maddening case – Just that.

Her friend was about to say that she could see through her lies when the waiter put their dishes in front of them. Her salad contrasted against lasagne, Aria's pesto pasta and Emily and Jenna's pizzas.

Spencer brain split in two halves. The first one tried to keep up with the trivial conversation, such as how was her stepbrother Jason in bed or how difficult taking care of Timothy being blind was. The second cut the salad into tiny pieces and kept up with how many times she chewed, how many gulps of water she took and how many calories was she consuming.

\- Do you want to taste some of my pasta? – Aria asked, aware of how it was the less frightening thing they four have ordered – It's great.

\- I'm not really hungry Aria, thanks. I'd better order a dessert.

Her faces lighten up at the mention of the word dessert, obviously they didn't know Fiorella's had the best light lemon sorbet across the world.

\- Have you picked a date? – Emily's question took her by surprise.

\- Pardon?

\- The wedding. Had you and Wren pick a date?

Spencer wanted to shout, her mother asked the same thing each three weeks and she no longer knew what to answer. Wren was nice, but she barely felt anything anymore. That was the bright side of her illness, she thought, it made her numb to the anxiety and the pain, the pathological aim for perfection and the sadness.

She didn't love Wren, she didn't want to marry him, but he was the best she could aim for, and she knew.

\- We were thinking about the end of June, but it's not final. Wren is working his ass in surgery residency and it's complicated to prepare it without time.

It was then when Emily asked Jenna about Toby, and her heart raced at the memory of his blue eyes, twice that December Spencer felt the wish to pull out the ring full of rubies and loose it. But the golden girl couldn't do that, not now that she was engaged and their names had appeared all over the society section in newspapers.

\- He's overworking himself. He got into his head to remodel the loft again. He left it perfect last time! I think he's a little depressed.

\- Really? Why? – She found herself asking, and a slight smile took over Jenna's face.

\- He's all alone.

And she also smiled, remembering his hands on her back, his index crossing her lips, she felt more connected with him than with anybody in years.

* * *

So, this term I've been working like crazy and I haven't been able to write for a while. Hope this chapter compensates the wait. Next one will be translated soon.


	6. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5 – Christmas shopping**

Toby hated Christmas since he was fourteen years old, the lights at the street reminded him of the times he used to join her mother in Christmas shopping, the long evenings making gingerbread men with Jenna, the joy.

The worst day was the 26th, he found himself unable to open the door of any room, chased by the memory of his purple face and his feet hanging from the floor. He was glad that Jenna was already blind in those days.

But Emily had decided to organize a party the 23d, play secret Santa, and he had yet to find a gift for Jason and some more for Jenna, Timmy, his father and his stepmother Teresa.

He was so deep in thought he didn't even see Spencer until he run into her, literally, pushing her over – Are you ok?! – He panicked.

And although the girl tried to say yes, a grimace of pain crossed his face when she tried to steady herself.

He lowered by her side and raised the leg of one of the trousers, the foot was starting to go purple, it had just twisted.

It's gonna hurt - He warned, pulling at the count of one from the tiny foot to relocate the joint in its place.

Spencer wanted to put in foot but he ordered her to remain seated for a moment while he gathered the packages on the snow, putting them in their plastic bags.

\- There is a drugstore by the corner – He informed worried – Stay… stay here and… I'll get an ankle support and be right back… just wait a minute… I… I'll be right…

This time she was the one that crossed a finger through his lips – I'm fine, Toby.

He helped her on her feet and she smiled brightly at the boy who was still looking fearfully at her, scared of having hurt her ill body – I'm fine – She repeated – I didn't expect to find you here.

\- I have to buy the gift for the secret Santa, and I have cero idea.

\- Don't buy him shirts nor ties, they're my father go-to gifts for him.

In his face the question had to be reflecting since she smiled, a smile that said " I've surprised you", so hers. And with the lights of colour being reflected in her face Toby thought that it had been years since she last looked so beautiful, so alive.

\- Emily used way too thin paper for the raffle, her Js are very large so you either had Jenna or Jason, and you don't know what to buy so I doubt you got Jenna.

He laughed, surprised - Will you help me look for something?

She nodded – But first, I need caffeine.

So they were back sitting in a cafe, facing each other. Toby had bought two buns of raspberry with the intention to give her one but now doubted, he didn't want to anger her, not now that she seemed a little more relaxed than normally.

\- You always take your coffee black?

She nodded, taking a long sip of her coffee - I used to take it with cream but Melissa scolded me so I started taking it black.

\- Why did she scold you?

\- Too many calories.

Toby wanted to strangle the eldest of the Hastings but instead he said – Then, there's no way you will have one bun, right?

Spencer looked at the plate with a mixture of anger and fear before shaking her head.

\- And a half?

\- Toby ...

\- I saw your car parked. If you don't eat anything I'll take you home, you cannot pass out behind the wheel - His tone was harsh, severe, more than what he intended, but she didn't seem to care.

She leaned from half the bun and put it on her plate next to the cup of coffee.

One, two, four, ten. Toby discovered himself counting the tiny bites of the girl.

\- There – She gulped on her coffee - You happy?

He pushed the plate with the remaining half to her side of the table – I'd be happy if you finished it.

Spencer was about to yell at him but then she realized that it had been years since anyone made her face this situation, it had been years since everyone had given up on her, and feeling she still worried someone ... - I'm afraid – She admitted, focusing on the crumbs covering the napkin.

\- Spence, look at me - Toby was more than surprised that she had let him into that mind of hers - Do the math.

For breakfast I had a bowl of this size - And with hands he tried to show the size of the container - of chocolate cereal with semi-skimmed milk. How much is that?

\- Around 700.

\- Then for snack I had two apples – He nodded to her so she will give the answer. The only thing he knew about calories was the basic information from health class.

\- 120 approximately.

\- I ate spaghetti with meatballs, a dish more or less like this.

Spencer laughed, that was relatively fun - 860, more or less.

\- All right. And now I'm taking this coffee.

\- 180 - She indicated before he could ask.

\- And a raspberry bun - He swallowed a mouthful.

\- 360.

\- That makes a total of?

\- 2,220 - Spencer calculated immediately.

\- Now tell me - Toby knew that here came the hard part - And do not lie to me - He looked into those beautiful brown eyes - What have you eaten today?

Spencer looked down, ashamed - I had an apple for breakfast, 80 calories. I didn't have a snack or ate – She said it very quickly, as if that could prevent Toby from hearing it.

\- Now 180 the coffee and another 180 calories the bun.

\- 440 - Toby lifted her chin from the opposite side of the table, feeling his fingers freeze on contact with her skin, his stomach squirm, he had to make it - I don't know much about nutrition but you girls have to take between 2,000 and 2,500 calories a day to keep - and he stressed the word - a healthy weight. And at least 1,200 in a diet.

She refused to meet his eyes - You haven't eaten even a quarter of what you should today. Are you aware?

\- Yes.

\- Why?

\- That's the million-dollar question - The girl got up carefully – Come on, we have a gift to buy.

Half of a raspberry bun was left behind.


	7. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6 – December 23d**

Spencer painted her lips gently against the dresser, she was wearing a long brown night dress and left her hair loose. She observed herself in the full-length mirror and grimaced in disgust, she knew she was ridiculously thin, she had never seen his body as fat, but the sense of control that losing weight gave her was too addicting to stop.

Wren had just left, he couldn't go with her, but she had expected it. He had prepared some gingerbread cookies for the evening so, after putting them in a can, she covered herself up with a coat and face the lonely, cold street. It was snowing and the flakes got hooked on her eyelashes. Luckily Emily's house, decorated similar to how she imagined the northern pole as a little girl, was close.

Emily received her with a kitchen apron still over her dress, a wonderful smell came out of the house - Good thing you learned to cook, Em. I still remember those empanadas.

Emily laughed, pulling her inside.

\- Need help? - Years of dinners in her parents' friends' houses had taught her to ask courtesy questions automatically, almost like a robot.

Emily refused, grabbing her by the shoulders and pulling her into the living room, she forced her to take a seat on one of the leather sofas – Stay still - She ordered, and she nodded like a child promising to be good.

That's when Jason sat beside her, putting an arm around her shoulders - I need a lawyer - He kissed her hair, making her laugh.

\- What have you done now?

\- Let's say I need a new car ...

\- Are you hurt?! - She rose exalted to examine his brother, who laughed at her overreaction until he saw her face going pale. He grabbed her waist and made her sit again, slowly.

\- Have you eaten something?

Spencer shook her head, Jason was one of the few people with whom she was honest about that topic.

\- How much do you weight?

She sighed - 48 kilos.

\- Spence ...

\- Don't say anything, please - She accompanied her words hiding behind her hands, frightened at the possible consequences of that number.

Just then, the doorbell rang, making Jason get up to open, but not before kissing her on the forehead – Soon, you and I are going to see a doctor. A real one, not your useless fiancé.

Spencer chuckled, knowing that if she really loved Wren that comment would have started a fight instead of making her smile. The doorbell rang again and Jason ran to open, letting the anguish deform his features for a moment, before regaining control just in time to open the door - Aria!

The boy kissed her on the lips, making the group of people waiting to enter, roll their eyes.

\- Man, you saw her a few days ago. Can we get inside? Is freezing cold! - Spencer recognized the voice of Caleb but didn't try to get up.

After greeting, they all dropped into the leather sofas. Aria laying up on Jason, grinning from ear to ear. A chill ran through her body when she thought of what would have Alison said if she were alive.

The door rang one last time and that was when Jenna and Toby arrived. They smiled slightly, and she couldn't help but blush, "like a teenager," she thought, angry with herself.

That was when the hostess said dinner was ready and her hands started to sweat. For a moment she noticed six pairs of eyes on her, then, everyone had routed to the dining room, decorated with bright streamers, coloured balls, fake snow and hundreds of small lights. A stunning pine stood by the table and under it laid the secret Santa gifts. The table was set, and completely covered with delicacies.

The sites were allocated through beautiful golden cards and Toby couldn't help but thank his friend for having seated Spencer by his side, he could smell her lavender perfume, and also, somehow, her fear.

He leaned toward her slightly - A thousand? - He whispered, making a simple gesture towards the food.

Spencer didn't answer, doing quick calculations in her mind she knew that she would have to eat at least that not to draw too much attention at herself. And do the same the next day and the next, and the next. She freaking hated Christmas.

The talk was light and going on without pause, he tried not to look at her eating too much, but he could feel the tension in the body next to his. And it was not only tension because of the food. Toby felt the powerful temptation to put his hand on her back and comfort her somehow, to remove the curls from her face, raise her chin and kiss those lips, covered in that instant, in sugar.

\- Earth to Toby - Jenna laughed, causing him to return the cheerful dining room.

\- What ... what happens?

The whole table laughed - I was offering another snowy bun - Emily smiled at the couple, passing the tray along the table.

If anyone asked directly, except for Spencer, Emily had no problem admitting that he didn't like Wren. He was cold, spent too much time out, and let her friend starve herself as long as nobody knew about it. He was with Spencer to keep up his appearance, he needed the golden girl of Rosewood to fatten an already inflated ego. She also knew Toby had been infatuated with her friend for a long time, so she lent him a hand. A hand, a rope or a ladder, whatever they needed to heal each other's wounds.

\- I'm really full but I'll get a half - He turned to the girl on his left - Do you want the other half?

Since she was a child Spencer had loved those damn rolls, and Emily knew, that's why she had bought them. She still remembered that Christmas when they had stolen them from the tray before dinner and had eaten them in her room before going down, Spencer wore powdered sugar all over her face and her mother had forbidden her to take a single dessert.

She grabbed it between her bony fingers and brought it to her mouth, she took the little sweet in a bite, chewed and swallowed ten times, with effort, before drinking half a glass of water.

\- Let's open the presents! - The Christmas addict ruled, relaxing the atmosphere by taking the largest package.

\- Someone has been good, Aria!

The girl jumped to catch the gift. Before their eyes a compact suitcase appeared, the print; one of her photographs showing a house of cards about to collapse.

It was then when the tiny one had to guess who it was from, she looked doubtfully from Hanna to Jason, as if she was watching a tennis match, before hitting with Hanna.

Next was Toby, he opened it fast, trying to avoid the sound of breaking paper taking him back to his mother's feet hanging ten feet above the ground. A cardboard box with the word Scrabble across the top made him smile.

He looked in all directions, trying to guess, after a feeble attempt with Emily he agreed to stay with the doubt. Failing to recognize the smile the chesnut-haired girl had.

Jenna was next, she opened the package carefully and ran her fingers through the bag, carefully, getting a mental picture of it - These are feathers. Aria!

\- Two discovered, one invisible. The following is for Spencer.

Her package was still quite large, she sat under the tree and began to unwrap it carefully, noting the blue ribbons that away in its path. A cover for a violin, with her name and roses engraved made her say thanks instantly. The latest one had broken only a few weeks before, after a benefit concert in Hollis – it's lovely – She stroked the wood while her eyes wandered around the room, discarding those who had being discovered and those who didn't know of her passion for the instrument - Jenna?

She smiled, throwing her a kiss from her place by the fireplace - I knew you'd like it.

Next was Caleb, who discovered an inflatable mattress with a note that said "For camping, wink, wink". He guessed it was from Emily in less time that it took to Hanna to violently blush.

The other gifts were a sports backpack, that Emily mistakenly identified as from Toby and a merino wool scarf in deep blue that could replace the ties Jason wore in winter, falsely attributed to Spencer.

After a very pleasant evening they had to leave, Spencer felt those hands helping her with her coat and knew who it was without having to turn around - Can ... would you take me home?

The boy nodded, kissing her on the cheek - I would take you anywhere - he whispered in her ear before stroking her skin, making her heart light up as it hadn't for long.


End file.
